My Alanon/AA sponsor tells me she believes that God wants me to live a life filled with joy, not suffering. And I guess I can see how anyone in their right mind would tell me I don't deserve this kind of treatment. My best friend is supportive of whatever I choose (but she also has my new husband picked out for me!). My non-Christian counselor told me my husband doesn't like me. I said it's not me he doesn't like. She said, what do you mean it's not you? He criticizes everything about you! There's nothing about you that he does like. Even my Christian friend and mentor supports me to do whatever I need to do, knowing that my marriage is in a vicious cycle. So in all of this, who do I go to for my answer? The answer needs to come from God.
The problem is, lately, I have not been spending time in prayer. I feel blocked because of all the resentment, and I'm stalled out in the middle of a 4th step inventory of our marriage. Once I get that out, I will be rid of the unforgiveness and cleared out so God's light can shine. That's the hope I'm holding out for.
I know that the suffering I will endure is nothing compared to what Christ endured, and my time on this earth is short. But I just don't know. Is persecution in the name of Christ the same thing as suffering in a situation like this? Here is a link to some scripture that is helpful to victims of abuse:
http://www.abuseofwomen.org/godspeaks.html
So in the meantime I'll look for God's guidance in prayer and the Bible. If someone decides to get divorced and it is led by the Holy Spirit, then fine. And if that were the case for me right now, I'd have no problem doing it. But I am not convinced. I would be doing it because I am sick of this crap and there's something better out there for me. I would be following my flesh. It is so tempting.
The problem is, lately, I have not been spending time in prayer. I feel blocked because of all the resentment, and I'm stalled out in the middle of a 4th step inventory of our marriage. Once I get that out, I will be rid of the unforgiveness and cleared out so God's light can shine. That's the hope I'm holding out for.
I know that the suffering I will endure is nothing compared to what Christ endured, and my time on this earth is short. But I just don't know. Is persecution in the name of Christ the same thing as suffering in a situation like this? Here is a link to some scripture that is helpful to victims of abuse:
http://www.abuseofwomen.org/godspeaks.html
So in the meantime I'll look for God's guidance in prayer and the Bible. If someone decides to get divorced and it is led by the Holy Spirit, then fine. And if that were the case for me right now, I'd have no problem doing it. But I am not convinced. I would be doing it because I am sick of this crap and there's something better out there for me. I would be following my flesh. It is so tempting.
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