Lunacy Described

My last post reminded me of how much of a lunatic I sounded to myself when I first became a Christian. I was shocked that the words I heard came out of my mouth. But the longer I've walked this walk, and the more it's sunken in, I don't sound so crazy anymore. Maybe to you, but that's okay. There's really only one I need to impress, and he's already impressed in spite of me. Here are some of the things that sounded crazy to me:

• heaven
• hell
• angels
• demons
• devil
• satan
• holy spirit
• lord
• jesus
• ressurrection
• spiritual warfare
• creation

I am 100% convinced that this stuff is real. And I have proof.

We're Back!

It's been a long time since I've posted. Life has taken hold of my extra time formerly used for posting. Since I last wrote, I did a 4th and 5th step with my sponsor, my husband and I continue to go to the couples 12-step meeting weekly, he is in counseling individually, we go sometimes together, and I am working on finding a counselor I like.

Coming from a self-help-turned-born-again-Christian perspective, it's difficult doing the counseling thing. Most insurance plans don't cover Christian counselors, and Christians who happen to be counselors of the secular type don't disclose that they're Christian. I've been to mainstream counselors a few times since I've been a Christian, and it presents a bit of a personal dilemma for me. I don't want self-will advice. I don't want medication. I want counsel on depending on the Lord. That's just me.

I continue to struggle (mildly) with Alanon issues. I feel all sorts of inner turmoil when he seems to be in a bad space, and then I react on past stuff rather than staying in the moment. If you're in recovery, you get it. If you're not, I probably sound like a lunatic to you.

Anyway, life is good. God can heal anything and it is totally beyond my comprehension. It's a matter of having faith and just acting as if he can really do this thing you're asking. Then sit back and watch. I can NOT believe we're coming up on 9 years of marriage (and 3+ years pre-marriage). And the recent stuff that made us leave was the mildest over the past decade +.

God is good. All the time.

The Antichrist!?

I don't want to give this guy more publicity than he's already had, but what is up with the dude who claims to be Jesus Christ, claims to be the antichrist, has the mark of the beast and has had his followers branded with the mark as well? This is not a joke! Fuh-REAK! I'm glad I'm on the winning team! I'm not even going to link to his site or any of the coverage.

My father is a Jew.

I grew up in the wealthy Jewish suburbs of Chicago. We were one of only a few non-Jewish families. My best friend was Jewish. My parents' best friends were Jewish. We sang the dreidel song in public elementary school. I ate matzoh. I went to Hebrew school with my best friend. We lit their menorah. (I actually thought Ovaltine was a Jewish food until about 2 years ago, because I always ate it at my friend's house!) That was in the 70s. I had no idea that my pseudojewish beginnings offered a hint of what was in store for my eternal existence. On September 16, 2003 that I found out that my "earth" dad is kind of a temporary dad for me. My real father, my savior, is Jesus Christ! Here's a little about that:

//http://youtube.com/watch?v=bwJJjLkOaXg

Why I'm Called Binky

I am a binky. A pacifier. A pappy. Whatever you want to call it. My daughter nursed from October 17, 2001 to October 17, 2004. My son nursed from September 27, 2005 and is still going strong. It is sad to think of the day he decides to quit, since he is our last. There are things I've done wrong with parenting, but this is one thing I can say I've done right. I am proud I made it through the tough parts, like mastitis and engorgement and going back to work. And I'm so grateful for the support I had. Please find a La Leche League meeting if you are pregnant. You will cherish the support and you will not regret the decision to breastfeed. Check out the breastfeeding forum at www.gentlechristianmothers.com . Also, www.llli.org is a great resource as is www.kellymom.com . Good luck! And remember, Jesus was breastfed! Check out this funny video of a typical breastfeeding toddler. http://youtube.com/watch?v=cCJQ7Zu-9nI

The Insanity of Untreated Alcoholism

Check out this great article on the dry drunk.

http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaspiritualmalady.html I know him well. I've been married to him for years. Makes me wonder if he's ever truly been sober. I don't think so. I've thought he was mentally ill. But my sponsor told me today that all the nutso things he's saying is a classic example of untreated alcoholism. Maybe he will pick up a drink. Maybe he's been abusing his medication. I am convinced that the spiritual malady is a necessity for true recovery and freedom from insanity. I sure am grateful that I am able to thank God in all circumstances today.

Reconciliation in Action

I'm going back. I don't know when, but I'm going back. I was holding on for the kids, and because that's what I'm supposed to do, I think. But now it's about us. He is really making an effort. We've been in a cycle for a long, long time. And after a bad spell there are lots of promises. But this time it's different. I know I sound like a duped abuse victim when I say that, but all I can say is I know that I know that I know. He might not get well, but he is definitely trying very hard, and there is a humility now that has not been present for a long time.

We've been to a couples AA meeting together, which was like the missing link. Can't wait to go back. He's been to counseling and I've been to counseling, and we've been to a session together. We're having date nights together. We're going to meetings together. And we're doing what we need to do to grow individually.

Best of all, we are in love! I have not felt this way since our first date, and maybe not even then! I know God can do all things, but I must admit I do doubt sometimes. We are going to spend the night at the house one night this week and see how it goes. He has even offered to have separate bedrooms until I am ready. God is definitely doing for me what I cannot do for myself in this situation!